A Whole New … World? Aladdin Song About Sex, Childhood Effectively Ruined

Caution: I’m about to ruin some childhoods.

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS OMGREVELATION?

“A Whole New World” from Disney’s Aladdin is totally about foreplay.

Don’t believe me? Sing along and really think about the lyrics (and your first time losing your V card or delivering/receiving a handy/blowie) as I break it down:

.

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
you last let your heart decide

Translation: You know you want it. Don’t fight it. Follow your heart. And your bagina. 

.

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic carpet ride

Translation: I’ll make your eyes bug out as I travel here, here, there, and take your magic carpet for the ride of a lifetime

.
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

Translation: This is my first time. I’ve never been to Vaginaland before, but ain’t nobody stopping me now!

.

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I’m way up here
It’s crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world with you
(Now I’m in a whole new world with you!)

Translation: This is new for me too, but boy you makin’ me SO high!

.

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

Translation: THIS FEELING IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE. THERE! THERE! YES! YES! #Ecstasy!

.

A whole new world
(Don’t you dare close your eyes)
A hundred thousand things to see
(Hold your breath- it gets better)
I’m like a shooting star, I’ve come so far I can’t go back to where I used to be

Translation: This is my first time
(Open your eyes gurl, see what I’m doing here is MAGIC!)
I’m feeling a hundred thousand new feelings
(This is JUST the beginning)
I’m about to cum — I can never go back to #basic palace boys

.

A whole new world
(Every turn a surprise)
With new horrizons to pursue
(Every moment red-letter*)

Translation: Every new move is a surprise!
*Red-letter moments are special, significant moments. What’s more significant than losing your religion? #REM

.

I’ll chase them anywhere, there’s time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you

Translation: Imma do you all day, erryday

A whole new world
(A whole new world)
That’s where we’ll be
(That’s where we’ll be)
A thrilling chase
A wonderous place
For you and me

=

A whole new world, eh? Thoughts?

8 thoughts on “A Whole New … World? Aladdin Song About Sex, Childhood Effectively Ruined

  1. LOL! I can totally see it! For some reason Bruno Bettelheim popped into my head while reading this! I had a children’s lit professor who had us read The Uses of Enchantment, and then proceeded to spend the rest of the semester having us analyze all of our reading assignments with a Freudian twist, as Bettelheim did with fairy tales. I got REALLY good at it and my analysis papers were basically super filthy erotica. The more pornographic the analysis, the higher my grade. I think my professor probably used our assignments for his own pleasure!

    • OMG. I LOVE THAT ASSIGNMENT IDEA. Although I totally disagree with Freud on a lot of his “ideas” (let’s call them that), I love that idea. Although I wouldn’t use student assignments for my own pleasure. That’s just creepy and weird.

      • I disagree with most of Freud’s idea’s, too. What was sick about this professor is that he managed to make an entire semester of children’s literature pervy! One Bettelheim assignment would have been sufficient, (cause it actually was sort of fun) but an entire semester of writing porn- from kiddie lit -was a little much!

  2. Indescribable feelings, indeed. My takeaway (from that image of Jafar snatching Jasmine’s apple (Oh, there they go again!)) is that no one’s hair should ever be thicker than their waist.

  3. This is amazing. Your commentary/translations from Disney to REAL TALK are profound, hilarious, and just flat-out amazing. I LOVE THIS! Keep these posts up I can’t get enough of them.

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